An Epiphany

A while back I was cruising the internet reading different Christian blogs and came across http://www.pulpit-pimps.org/ and I started reading a post about Dead Milford. It was an interesting post because it led to the point of Monergism vs Synergism [in some circles these are related to Calvinism (Monergist) and Arminianism (Synergist)]. It was a post detailing how man is dead because of our sin nature and if we are dead how can we in ourselves accept life (salvation).



I remember growing up in church, running from church and then around the ripe age of 27 years old coming back to church, I was under the belief that we choose to serve God or we don't. So it is common to say that one day I asked God to come into my life. So I must admit this post peeked my interest as I read the many comments, as each side made their own points to represent their view.



So out of curiosity I asked Mr. Melvin Jones, the writer of Pulpit-Pimps, what type of book would he recommend for me to read to learn more about this particular topic and he told me to read: "The Sovereignty of God, by A.W. Pink" I must admit that this book is real deep. And you can actually read it for free at: http://www.pbministries.org/



While reading the book I realized how wrong I was in how I viewed God. God is sovereign which means He is self-governing, His own authority and He does as He wills within His nature of course. While reading I realized how I didn't chose to come to Christ and I didn't accept Him as Lord and Savior, but He chose me. He chose me before the foundations of the world. Now that just blows my finite mind. And if God hadn't chosen me I'd still be a wretched sinner. In fact if you read Romans Chapter 3 starting around verse 10, you'll find out how it's not in humanity's nature to seek after God, because our "free will" leads us from God. Truth be told that revelation is really humbling. I mean there is nothing I did to be saved, it was God's grace and mercy that saved me and all I can ask is "God why me"? "What made you chose me?" And in that view I see that I owe God more than "shouting in the Holy Ghost" or "going to church" or "giving time and money". But I realize that my debt to Him exceeds the USA national debt times infinity.



But being that I'm a fallen man, I was sadden because if God chooses who He wants to be saved, then that means that He chooses not to saves others. This is where I struggle with what is fair. I mean why not give everyone a chance in some form. And how can people who aren't able to accept God be held accountable for not accepting Him. There in lies a great mystery, how our free will to reject God coincides with how God chooses His elect (people he chooses to be saved). I also agree that my quest or question for fairness is driven by my finite intellect and growing up with a humanistic worldview.



So I'm on a path of understanding who God is. God is sovereign, just and at the same time merciful. He exudes wrath on those He chooses to and mercy on others He wants to. I understand that God chose for my ancestors to live through generations of slavery, so I can ultimately grow up in a country to worship Him freely. To grow up in a country to hear His word preached without the treat of going to jail. How I was born as an African-American male in the south. How he chose my skin tone, the size of my nose, how He allowed me to have an eye disease named keratoconus (when no one else in my family has it). How even though I know my father, I pretty much grew up in a single parent home with my mother, younger sister and brother. How through years of unprotected sex I don't have HIV, AID, herpes and etc., let alone any kids to pay child support for, and so much more.



In retrospect I thank God for how He saved me. I admit that I don't understand why me and why not others, but that's why this GRACE IS SO AMAZING. We that are saved can't boast that we are saved because of our works. It's 100% God's doing, not 99.5%. So now when I hear my fellow brothers and sisters start saying, "speak those things into existence" or "I'm not going to speak death over myself" (as if God doesn't understand hyperbole and figures of speech). I shake my head and try to explain that God is sovereign. His will is paramount and no matter how much speaking you do....it won't happen unless He allows it. We can't make God do anything He doesn't want to do. That wouldn't make Him, God.......it would make Him our servant. And woe to those that believe that mess.



In closing I thank God for the path He has given me to walk, the troubles and pains both emotionally and physically I had to grow up with. How low self-esteem as a child has made it easier for me to remain humble when God blesses me. How I wasn't the most attractive person growing up, but it kept me from being confident in looks. And through it all I have a beautiful saved wife and wonderful children. I have a mother that I love, dad that I love, sister and brother that I love, a grandfather, aunts, uncles and cousins and friends that I love. And I can see how God is in the midst of it all. So I praise God for His mercy toward me and I pray for that mercy to be placed upon those that don't yet know Him.



- One!